If you're going to Oktoberfest at the weekend you  will need to be there at around 10:30am in order to be sure of getting a seat. This is no joke, last year many of the tents were closing their doors at 11:30 as they were full.

If you are going during the week then you will normally be ok to arrive at around 4pm.

 You will most likely have the same waitress at your table as they stick to specific areas. She will have a couple of hundred people vying for her attention so if you want to get good service you need to at least tip well on the first couple of rounds and be polite. We generally have a laugh and a bit of banter with the waitress as soon as possible. That way she'll tend to keep an eye on your table later on and you won't be stuck for a beer.

If there are plenty of seats available when you get into a tent, try choosing a seat which is reasonably close to the toilets. When the tent fills up, going for a quick pee can take anything up to half an hour if you're not close by. Worth bearing in mind.

It's a simple but essential tool. You never know who you're gonna meet at your table or on a round trip from the toilets. After a couple of Maß you'll be hard pushed to remember your own name, let alone the phone number of the gorgeous blonde in the dirndl who wants to meet you the next day.

If you are part of a group, have a predefined meeting point (and preferably time). It's so easy to get seperated from friends and often very difficult to find them again.

All of the tents close at about 10:30pm. The only one which stays open later is Käfer and it's open until 01:00am. However, it can be very tricky to get into. It's good to have a few alternate locations planned for when kicking out time comes.

You have to be seated in order to get a beer. Except for the "pig pen" in the Höfbräu tent the waitresses will not take your order unless you are sitting at a table.

Once you are inside a tent and the band is kicking it's practically impossible to hear anyone on a mobile phone. Every year you see people standing up on a table, phone shoved into their ear, desperately trying to scan the thousands of people for their missing friends. Set a meeting point and use SMS. It's a lot less stressful.

If the doors to a tent are closed or they are only allowing people with reservations in, all is not lost. Often the side and read doors to the tents do not have any security on them at all. Just mosy around the tent and have a look.

The lost and found office at Oktoberfest handles vast quantities of jackets, bags, mobile phones, wallets and many other items (i.e. crutches, false teeth, prosthetic limbs, etc, etc). When you're going to Oktoberfest remember that it's going to be very hot in the tents so if you can avoid bringing a jacket or bag then you'd be well advised to do so.

It's a good idea to ensure that you've got enough cash on your for your visit. There are cash points within the Wies'n grounds, but with a few hundred thousand people milling about the queues are usually a nightmare. Get your cash on the way there and you'll have no problem.

Prior to the kick-off on the 18th of September, at least one of the tents will be open for business. There's no music but there's beer, food and plenty of fun to ease you into the mood for the big event. If you're in Munich on the week before, take a wander through the Wiesn and have a looksee.

If you are caught stepping out of line, security will kick you out and they won't be gentle about it either. You will be forceable and unceremoniously ejected for being a dick. Pissing off the waitresses, refusing to move from a reserved table, that kinda thing. Security are clearly evident in the tents. They're generally the blokes in dark combat gear, wearing berets and leather gloves. They don't mess about so don't risk it.